I'm a Boy, I'm a Liar Daltonverse Jogan
by notalone91
Summary: Daltonverse!Jogan - Oneshot.    Hell Night is over.  Where do Julian and Logan stand?  Does Logan even know?   I'm a Boy, I'm a Liar by Reboot the Robot


It'd been 8 weeks since hell night, and every terrible, painful memory still plagued them both. Julian had apologized over and over, not that anyone really cared to hear his apology. It wasn't his fault. He had no control over Adam. He didn't even know that it was him.

It'd been 6 weeks since Julian and Logan had decided to try… whatever this was… on for size. So far, yeah, it hadn't been perfect, but it had been everything that Julian had hoped for and more. Even Logan seemed more than content with the current situation.

Somehow, though, they boys found themselves here, though. Julian sat cross-legged on his bed, picking at the corner of the pillow that draped across his lap. Logan paced around the room, thinking out loud and thoroughly unsettling Julian.

"You're too good for me, Jules," he said, staring at a hole left vacant by a screw from who knows when. "And, I don't know how to say this." He walked closer and began to dig at the exposed drywall. "I can't give you what you need. I'm not… I don't know. I'm just not this guy."

"What guy, Lo? What have I asked of you that you can't provide?"

"Love?"

The movie star sighed and pushed his shiny Aviators up onto his head, holding his hair back. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I never asked that." Opening his eyes, he began waging war with his pillow. "I only ever said that I was in love with you. I had never asked for… anything more than you to understand that, and even that…" Julian trailed off, into a world of thought accompanied by pain, and fire and desperation.

Logan turned around and walked over to the bed, placing a hand on his best friend's leg, trying to bring him back from where he knew he had gone. He hated that any of them had had to experience that. No one should ever have to see that, and he knew that Julian still held himself responsible, against everyone else. Was he wrong for not telling anyone who could do something about it? Yes. But, what would anyone else have done? And he certainly couldn't have known that it would get to be that bad. How could someone guess that it would get to that level of destruction.

Julian swept Logan's hands into his and pressed them to his face. He really loved this man-child, even through all of his idiosyncrasies and tendencies and issues. He couldn't imagine how anyone could be more perfect. One look into those bright green eyes, and he knew that everything would be fine.

Logan stood up, pulling his hands out from between Julian's. He let himself smile a bit as he walked silently over to his keyboard, shaking his head.

_**You live your life for boys like me.**_

_**And we are reckless.**_

_**We don't give a damn about anything.**_

Julian laughed to himself a bit as he stared after the blond. "Well, so far this is all true," he thought. "Sort of, anyway." He couldn't help but be nearly entranced by the boy whose entire body seemed to move with every plunk of the plastic key. "Or at least that's what you tell the world. I know better." He smiled to himself. He loved it when Logan sang for him.

_**We're bad with emotions,and even worse with commitment.**_

_**We are liars; We only care about One thing.**_

The actor walked over and draped his arms around the singer's shoulders, rubbing his hands up and down the other boy's chest. "What of this is supposed to surprise me?" he thought, bringing his fingers to shadow the other boy's.

_**And I could lie,**_

_**and say That I'm different.**_

_**That I care about love And commitment.**_

_**But I'd rather be honest For just one time.**_

As he sang, Logan realized that what he was 'being honest' about was a complete lie. He did love Julian. He'd known that for a month. He just, for some reason, couldn't bring himself to say it. He guessed he just wasn't wired that way. He was being honest about one thing - he couldn't give Julian what he needed. He needed someone who could protect him, and who was Logan to protect anyone when he couldn't even protect himself from himself.

_**I've grown sick of the lying.**_

_**Yeah, I'm tired of all the lies.**_

_**I'll disappoint you, like I disappoint myself**_

He really had done nothing but disappoint everyone his entire life, including himself. He couldn't manage to stay on his meds, which made him a civilized human being, without someone who saw something more in him than he saw himself over his shoulder forcing him, he had led his best friend through such crazy, horrible things, he was more of a nuisance to his peers than anything else, and he couldn't even bring himself to think about how lowly his father and stepmother must think of him. He knew that he was putting a damper on his fathers campaign.

Logan's mind flashed to images of his father. What would Senator Wright think of his son being in a committed relationship when he already didn't approve of his son's "ways" as it were. Still, it didn't matter. They were together and that was the one thing holding the two of them together. If his father couldn't accept that, then he couldn't accept him and that would be it. Sure, he talked a big game, but even as he thought it, he knew that it would never be that simple.

_**There's no use in changing.**_

_**I'd rather be true to my self.**_

_**Cause I'm a boy, and that makes me A liar.**_

Julian pressed his face into the boy's neck. "You're not a liar, Lo," he thought. "You really are, no matter how agonizing you can be, a great person. What can I do to make you see that?"

_**That makes me a liar.**_

Logan pounded the chords with his left hand, drawing out strong arpeggios. His right hand, however, traveled up to the brunette's strong jawline. He could swear he felt the boy blush in his hand.

_**You believe every word I say And take it for truth.**_

_**And to be honest, I really envy you**_

Julian sat down on the small, collapsible bench and took over the keyboard, his movements not as effortless as Logan, but still very good. Logan, on the other hand, walked around to the front of Julian and knelt, putting his hands on the other boy's legs.

_**Cause you have the heart To tell the truth**_

_**Let's be honest we all know that's something I could never do**_

Emerald eyes stared up at the boy currently playing. They were filled with more sadness and hope and joy and despair than he ever thought could be driven through one person. Was this what Ms. Medel meant about things being different when Logan sang?

_**And I could lie, and say that I love you,**_

_**That a girl like you Could make me want to change**_

Logan quirked his lips. Julian did make him want to change. He really did.

_**I'm sorry for the words I said**_

_**I'm sorry for the lies I filled In your head**_

_**I didn't mean a word I said.**_

Julian stopped playing and looked the boy directly in a face, nodding, lips pursed.

_**It just made more sense to me To lie instead.**_

Logan and Julian stared at each other for a brief moment before Logan broke. "Fuck," and plunged toward Julian and everything they could be, meeting him squarely on the mouth. They'd work out the rest of the details later. This felt too right.


End file.
